Red Sox Nation Haters

My work here is done...

2005-11-03T12:33:00.000-05:00

Just like the good Lord after the flood, I offer you this rainbow as proof that we will never again have to suffer through a Red SAWX championship

We did it. We put our minds to it. Gave it our best effort and we goddamned did it. I created and updated the blog. You read it and, together, we focused our hatred and reduced a championship baseball team to a pile of rubble. Hats off to us!

When this blog was founded during spring training of the 2005 season (only 9 months ago!), the Boston Red SAWX were on top of the world. They were World Series champions, had (in their opinion) improved their team for 2005, had an honest-to-God (in their opinion) genius for a G.M. and a caring and committed ownership team. All this good fortune caused the folks in Boston to climb upon their high horse and announce, "The Yankees AH dead! Long live the Red SAWX!".

Based on the outcome of 2004, SAWX fans now referred to the Yankees as the 'Chokees'. They talked about the Bronx Bombers becoming 'irrelevant'. Old. Overpaid. Underperforming. And then they said something that really caught my attention - 'The Yankees don't matter anymore. The Dawn of the Red SAWX era has begun and the sun has set on the mighty Yankee empire'.

As I traveled through cyberspace and the blog-o-sphere and encountered such nonsense one word kept occurring to me over and over again - Hubris. Like characters in a Greek tragedy, the members of Red SAWX Nation were setting themselves up for a fall. This fall would come not because they had risen so high, but rather because they sought to push the rival Yankees so low. It was not enough for them to revel in happiness over their win. Somewhere deep in their black little hearts they wanted - needed - to stick it to the Yankees and Yankee fans. They were unable to simply acknowledge Yankee fans as we tipped our caps and offered our congratulations, which we did. They couldn't accept our well-wishes. They didn't enter the Hall of Champions gracefully. Rather, SAWX fans took this opportunity to hang the tag of 'Biggest Choke-AHS EVAH!' on the New York Yankees. Some went as far as to say 'The Yankee loss in 2004 wipes away all the glory of 26 World Championships'. Hubris.

And so I decided to do something about it. I set up this blog. Invited you all in. Acknowledged the fact that, while the 2004 ALCS loss was brutal, it was also liberating. Allowed me, as a Yankee fan, to stand with the others and throw rocks at the newly crowned champs. And throw them I did. We did. We focused our energy through this blog and brought down the once-mighty Red SAWX. Take a bow everybody.

Surely there have been some highlights along the way:

- The varitek interview (March)
- The Queer Eye appearance (march)
- The Johnny Damon interview (April)
- Jimmy Fallon's deal with the devil (April)
- The BigBri interview (May)
- Curt Schilling's 'bobble ankle' (May)
- The SAWX fan with his pants down (July)
- The utter collapse of the SAWX (August/September)

When you consider the fact that the collapse of the SAWX is something we predicted here right from the beginning, it is all the more sweet.

There have been lowlights as well. I engaged in far too many 'comment wars' with the idiots who inhabit 'The Nation'. And my off-topic rant about traffic, while very funny, is not something I'm particularly proud of.

In the end the SAWX just couldn't suffer the slings and arrows launched from this blog. I knew that if we pulled together and focused our hatred to a fine pinpoint of venom we could aim it like a laser and bring the SAWX and Red SAWX Nation to their knees. And we have. To Wit:

- The team folded like a cheap suit in September as the Mighty Yankees kicked them out of first place in the AL East.

- They were swept out of the ALDS in three games straight and, wonder of all wonders, the final loss came in Fenway where the 'Nation' was forced to watch their once-great team complete their utter collapse.

- Schilling will never be a #1 starter again

- Manny is on his way out of town

- David 'Fatboy' Wells wants out

- Johnny Damon wants out

- And finally, Theo the 'Boy Wonder' Epstein has left the team. This is most significant because it signals the true end for the 'one and done' 2004 Red SAWX. Maybe one championship in 86 years is what passes for a dynasty in Bean Town these days?

And so my work is done. While this past baseball season has been particularly enjoyable, I must close the books on the 'Red Sox Nation Haters' blog. Like I said, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed it immensely. But all the hating does take its toll after awhile. While I was happy to shoulder the 'burden of hate' when called upon, the fact is it is simply not necessary anymore. The Red SAWX are no longer relevant. One and done. Paper champs. Not worth the trouble. And I encourage you all to follow my lead. Turn your backs on Boston. Raise your chin up and look toward the Bronx. Our rosy future. Wang and Cano. Cashman re-signed (as opposed to THEO who is resigned). 2 more years of Torre. Rejoice! But hate no longer. It's simply not necessary...

Faith Ret-AH-ded

2005-10-07T19:28:00.000-05:00

AWWWW Sully! I nev-AH saw this comin'!

And so it ends. The anomaly that was the championship reign of the of the Red SAWX is over. All is right with the Universe again. There's a skip in my step, a song in my heart and (momentarily) a couple of beers in my belly. And the weekend just got started... DAMN! Does it get ANY better than this? I submit that it does not!

This is sweet. This feels good. This feels right. And what makes it even sweeter? The knuckleheads in Red SAWX Nation never in a MILLION years thought this was going to happen to them. "we've been down o- 2 bee-FAW" they hollered today. "We've got them right where we want them". Give me a f*ckin' break. Great teams don't consistently come back from the brink. Great teams stay away from the brink. And the SAWX are not a great team. And now they are gone. Good riddance.

This will be a week(s) long celebration of all things anti-SAWX. We'll be visited by old friends and some new comers as well. Check back soon for words of wisdom from Johnny Damon, The Architect from the Matrix, and even GOD himself will drop by to drop some knowledge on us. Stay tuned.

Manny swings.....nice shot...300...yards...right down the middle of the...fairway. He, he, he. Manny is playing GOLF tomorrow. Derek Jeter is playing BASEBALL. Whic is better, Manny? Answer me, you little bitch!

Let the Hating Continue...

2005-10-05T10:19:00.000-05:00

I'm a SAWX fan and a no-talent ass-clown and I've filled this formerly beautiful woman with my demon seed.

My apologies for this late update. Please indulge me with a quick recap and then we can look ahead.

This past weekend:
The Yankees definitely held up their end of the bargain regarding knocking the SAWX out of the playoffs completely. It's safe to assume that if Moose pitches on Sunday, the Yankees take 2 out of 3 from the Beantown Bunglers. That didn't happen because Cleveland didn't get the job done. While it would have been FANTASTIC to make the SAWX sit on the sidelines throughout the playoffs, you can't blame the Yankees for letting them in. Making up 4 games in the month of September represents a great accomplishment for the Bombers, but they needed some help from the Indians down the stretch and they didn't get it. No worries, because...

Yesterday:

The SAWX got HAMMERED by Chicago and looked like the paper tigers they truly are in the process.

The Yanks looked great and I like their chances against the Angels.

For your enjoyment, here's some quotes from 'The Nation'

On the Yankees chances to win the AL East
8/31/05 - As much as our pitching has struggled as of late, I have a hard time believing the Yankees can continue getting quality starts out of journeymen like Small and Chacon. The lowly Mariners may have turned Chacon back into a pumpkin last night. The NY starting rotation is held together with duct tape and bailing wire, and their middle relief is even worse than ours. Having Rivera is, of course, a huge advantage for them, but the Sox have proven they can hit him. The final six games against them are going to be slugfests, and I like our bats against anybody's.

Excellent analysis ass-hat. I like your chances too - for getting bitch-slapped out of first place.

On the Yankees winning the AL East title
I find it hard to believe this one "meant the most" to the MFY's ...
Kind of sad that the guys who won the division for the Yankees are making 1/100th of the payroll and guys like Arod and Jeter have done naught down the stretch...

Does this guy even WATCH baseball??? Yeah A-Rod REALLY struggled in September. And when Boy-Blunder Theo Epstein aquires cheap talent he is a genius. But when the yankees do it, it's "Sad". You Chow-DAH heads are always bitchng about how much money the Yankees spend and how 'unfair' it is that they have such a big payroll. So is it a good thing or a bad thing for the Yanks to spend a lot on players. Make up your mind, ass-muncher.

On the SAWX winning (or rather having Cleveland hand them) the WildCard
It was a great regular season. No one can say that this team rolled over and disappeared quietly into the night. Not after they won 95 games, and not after scoring over 900 runs and dealing with sketchy pitching all year. Definitely NOT a disappointing epilogue to last year's amazing run.
They made it to the 2005 playoffs. Anything from this point onward is just more cake
Let me get this straight. You are defending World Champions. Your competition (the Yankees) have a starting rotation that is, in the words of another genius SAWX fan "held together with duct tape and bailing wire". You've mentioned all year how the Yankees are a group of aging, over-paid underachievers and yet...you are SATISFIED with NOT winning the AL East title and sneaking into the playoffs as a WildCard team. And how's that workin' out for ya so far?

Until next time, my faithful readers. And remember, don't stop hating until the hating is done...

Being a SAWX fan is like flying Jet Blue

2005-09-22T07:34:00.000-05:00

As I watched Television last night - a combination of LOST, coverage of the JetBlue crash landing, and the Yankee game (it's a gift and a guy thing. Just give me the remote control and I'll make sure you don't miss a thing) - it occured to me that SAWX fans are a lot like the passengers on that ill-fated JetBlue flight last evening. You see, JetBlue has sattelite TV's on the back of the headrests for every seat. Everyone gets their own little TV screen to watch, with dozens of cable channels. As they circled LAX last night, burning off the fuel that might explode once the landing gear inevitably caught fire, they were able to WATCH THEMSELVES on cable TV, complete with 'experts' commenting on their chances of survivial as well as every doomsday scenario that might unfold.

It's the same for SAWX fans. They sit there, night after night, tray tables folded up, seats in the upright position, head between their legs, kissing their asses goodbye as their beloved team caroms toward disaster. All the while, they are able to tune in ESPN or YES (if they are particularly lucky) and view the entire thing from the outside. They are not only subjected to their own misery, they have to see how that misery, combined with the superb play of the Yankees and the Indians brings joy to others. In addition they get to listen to the boys at ESPN describe in great detail all the ways the SAWX might find themselves on the outside looking in come playoff time.At a time like this I find it necessary to quote the great film, 'Airplane'.

"They bought their tickets...They knew what they were getting into...I say...Let 'em crash!" Loydd Bridges, from your lips to God's ears...

Knock, knock...

2005-09-19T22:22:00.000-05:00

Us: Knock, knock

Them: Who's that knockin' at my back door?

Us: Your WORST FRIGGIN' NIGHTMARE, that's who!

-----------------------------------------------

Us: Knock, knock

Them: who's there?

Us: Mystique and Aura

Them: Mystique and Aura who?

Us: You made a MYSTIQUE by not putting us away in July and you Aura-n't going to the playoffs as a result!

--------------------------------------------------------------

Us: Knock Knock

Them: Who, who's there?

Us: The greatest franchise in the history of sports

Them: We're not home right now. Come back later?

Us: Ok. How about the last weekend of the season. I'll bring some nails and a hammer. You bring your heart.

----------------------------------------------

Lame jokes? Perhaps. The SAWX efforts of late don't deserve my best efforts. GOD I love being right!

One half game and closing...

2 out of 3 is Great!

2005-09-12T20:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Lord, PLEASE don't let this come down to a one-game playoff at the end of the season

And how was YOUR weekend? Pretty good over here. That's because 'here' is good ol' New York, NY. The Home Office of Baseball. Yankeeland baby, where the livin' is easy. I'm bustin' my butt at work this week and my lovely wife is having her 29th birthday (again) tomorrow) so here's a quick recap:

Friday night - SAWX play like the true chumps that they are. Yankees outslug them and treat them like the flea-bitten morons they are. Oh yeah, and Varitek, Beantown pussy NUMERO UNO, charges into Posada after being thrown out at the plate by like 30 feet. Georgie was unfazed. He took what CAPTAIN FACEMASK had to dish out and came up holding the ball. I'll give Varitek credit for this: He initiated contact with someone while NOT wearing any protective gear. Maybe he's growing some balls afterall??? By the end of his current contract he might even be YANKEE material. Just kiddin'!

Saturday - Old Timer's day at the Stadium. Yankee bats take it easy on the ancient and hobbling Curt - PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP - Schilling. It happens. What are you going to do.

Sunday - RJ is masterful. He has pitched well against the SAWX all season and he'll be the reason we knock them out of the AL East before it's all over.The Giambino provides all the offense we need. This ofcourse, gives the Boston crybabies another reason to whine that he's back on the juice. What a nation of morons...

In case you are curious, here's what RED SAWX NATION has to say about the past three days:

"Baseball Prospectus now puts the odds of the Red Sox playing in the postseason at 90%." - Keep crunching those numbers you Saber Metrics lovin' MO-rons!

Every time that known juicer Giambi hits a home run, an angel gets its wings ripped off. - SHUT UP! Baseball didn't have a roid policy when he was usin' them and he's NOT usin' them now. Go cry in yer Sam Adams and shut the f*ck up.

"Posada was reduced to a non-factor in the series after that collision (with Varitek)" - You are kidding me right? I'm not going to justify that one with a response.

"I would give up 2 games of our lead to have another 2 months of regular season, I'm just not readay for it to be over yet." - It will be over soon enough my chowder eating friend...

What the Fu..........???

2005-08-31T19:47:00.000-05:00

Mark Bellhorn???

This is gettin' to be re-GODDAMNED-diculous! Yesterday the Yankees picked up Mark Bellhorn from the scrap heap that makes up Red SAWX World Champions. Including Alan Embree that means the Yanks now employee 2/25ths of the 2004 SAWx squad. Well, employ is a strong word. The SAWX are PAYIN' 'em, we're just PLAYIN' 'em ;-).

But still, I don't like to look in the dugout or the bullpen and see these guys hanging around. It's not right. I know we need pitching, but Embree? Ferchrissakes I'll drive down to the Stadium, and pitch myself if you need an arm THAT bad. I'm right-handed and I still throw harder with my left arm than Embree does.

And Bellhorn. That humorless prick. When it comes to attitude, he's the Russell Crowe of baseball. I know he sucks and he couldn't hit water even if he fell out of a BOAT, but would it kill this guy to smile once in a while? I mean, he DOES get paid to play baseball.

How many more SAWX are going to sneak across the border before we have a real problem on our hands? Do we need armed guards partroling the outfield fences? Will Johnny Damon run to the Yankee clubhouse the next time the SAWX are in town and scream, "Johnny Damon demand amnesty for Johnny Damon! Johnny Damon political refugee! Johnny Damon say, me need refuge in house built by Ruth!"

Take it easy Johnny. That's what the off-season is for...

5 Questions with....Curt Schilling (heh, heh, heh)

2005-08-12T17:56:00.000-05:00

Nice Throw! What are you doing in 5 days? We may need you.

Welcome back everybody. We're back from summer vacation and lucky enough to be able to offer to you today another installment of '5 Questions with...'. Today we are joined by none other than Curt Schilling. Let's begin.

BigBri - Curt, thanks for joining us here today. I know you have a busy schedule of caring for your ankle, selling bobble-ankle dolls and throwing baseballs like a 10 year-old girl and I apprciate your time.

Schilling - No problem BigBri. Always a pleasure.

BigBri - Question #1. Describe a typical day at the ballpark when you are going to pitch. How do you prepare?

Schilling - On the days I'll be pitching I get up REALLY early. I'll be talking to the press that day, so I have to prepare my answers for any questions they may ask.

BigBri - Question #2 - What kind of preparation do you go through?

Schilling - I read 7 different newspapers, cover to cover. I watch FoxNews for about 6 hours and I listen to Rush Limbaugh for a couple of hours. I have to be ready for anything the press throws at me. They might ask me about the war in Iraq, rising interest rates, the devaluation of The Dollar in foreign markets, Iran's nuclear program, assasination attempts on Chavez, the pullout from the Gaza strip, Raphael Palmeiro, Lance Armstrong, economic globalization and its impact on market forces both domestically and internationally, the impact of...

BigBri - Whoah, whoah, whoah! Slow down there big fella! That's a pretty long list. Only 2 of the things you mentioned are sports related.

Schilling - Look. I'm an importatnt person with important opinions. People need to know what I think. People WANT to know what I think. I need to be prepared to give them the best answer possible.

BigBri - Question #3. Shouldn't you spend more time preparing for the game itself? Go over the opposing teams tendencies, etc.

Schilling - Oh sure. I COULD do that, but then I'd be cheating my fans. My fans want to know what I think! The baseball stuff will take care of itself.

BigBri - Question #4 - Let's talk about last night against K.C. The baseball stuff really didn't seem to take care if itself in Kansas City. You were hit pretty hard by one of the worst teams in the league. What happened?

Schilling - Yes, that was unfortunate. You know, I didn't feel like I had great stuff, but I didn't feel like I had awful stuff either. I felt O.K. My stuff felt pretty normal. They just hit it.

BigBri - So, if your stuff felt normal and one of the worst teams in all of baseball was able to knock the crap out of it...maybe you just suck now? Maybe you'll never be the same after that ankle injury.

Schilling - Ummm, yeah. Maybe (sigh).

BigBri - Too bad. Question #5 - One last questions Curt. What do you say to your detractors? What do you say to the people who feel you are a loud mouthed jerk? The people who think you have taken every opportunity to put the spotlight on yourself this year while playing horribly? What do you say to the people who mock you because you began selling your 'bobble-ankle' doll on the very day you went on the DL for an...ankle injury? What is your response to the people who think you are a fool for forcing your way into the bullpen only to blow so many saves? How do you feel about the fact that you have spent this entire season letting down your teammates, running your mouth, becoming UNBELIEVABLY fat and all the while never passing a microphone without spouting off on a whole host of topics you really know nothing about? And finally, what do you say to people who believe you should have spent LESS time this year talking and basking in the after-glow of 2004 and MORE time getting your body ready to play?

Schilling - Wow, BigBri, that's a lot of questions. I thought you were only going to ask me 5 questions...

BigBri - Take your time, big guy.

Schilling - People really feel that way?

BigBri - MmmmHmmmm.

Schilling - I guess....I guess I have nothing to say. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm speechless.

BigBri - Well that's a f*ckin' first! You heard it right here sports fans, Curt Schilling is SPEECHLESS. Good night and YOU ARE WELCOME.

Can you feel it?

2005-07-18T06:28:00.000-05:00

Don't look back, fat boy, something might be GAININ' on you!

And how was YOUR weekend? If you were a yankee fan or a SAWX hater the last four days couldn't have been any better. Let's break it down.

Thursday

Sheffiield is a PIMP. And if the SAWX don't get Shef his money. Shef gonna have to choke a bitch.

The Yankees had EVERY reason to roll over and die in the series opener. Bad news about Wang's shoulder before the game and a 4-0 first run deficit painted a dreary picture for the boys in blue. But they REFUSED to go down quietly. GiamBINO goes deep, then Bernie goes BOOM and the Yankees were right back in it. Sheffield also hit a home run and and 2 doubles as he spent his evening DENTING the Monst-AH. Tie score in the top of the ninth and Curt-PLEASE SHUT THE F UP - Schilling enters the game. The drama. The tension. A great SAWX warrior was making a dramatic comeback to shut down the Yankees. And then....Shef hits one of his aforementioned doubles and A-Rod takes the first pitch he sees DEEP into the Boston night. Bye bye Schilling. Bye bye SAWX.

Friday - SAWX prove they can hit our AAA pitchers. Good for them.

Not much else to say. The SAWX better hope Redding pitches against them for the erest of the season. Not likely though...

Saturday - RJ pitches well enough to win. Sawx run the bases like 10 year olds

Once again, A-Rod goes deep and the Yankees run the great Matt Clement out of the game in the less than 3 innings. and the SAWX ran themselves out of several innings.

Sunday - Al Leiter pitches like Kevin Costner

Ferchrissakes, I thought I was watching 'For the Love of the Game' last night. Al Leiter,. Aging veteran. Twilight of his career. Released by the Marlins. Puts on the pinstripes - no wait, he didn't even NEED the pinstripes. The Road grays were all he needed to become re-energized. Transformed. 6 1/3 innings. 8 strikeouts. Un-FRIGGIN-believable! And when things got dicey in the ninth inning, the Yankee defense shut them down.

The second half is upon us. Red SAWX Nation's summer of discontent has begun...

Night Time Construction! - A profanity laced, insanity inspired diatribe

2005-07-13T13:28:00.000-05:00

Apologies to my loyal readers. The post has nothing to do with the Red SAWX. I have chosen to use this space to vent some of my anger regarding daytime construction of our highways and bi-ways during the summer driving season.

I was running errands at lunchtime today, but had to be back at the office for a 1PM meeting. No problem. My route was mapped, my list was in hand and things were moving along as planned. I might even be able to eat lunch, I thought to myself as I entered the interstate that runs near my office building. 2 miles down the road I saw it - A sign that read simply, 'Road Work Ahead. be Prepared to Stop'. 100 yards later that's exactly what I did. Stopped DEAD in fact. My plans ruined, my meeting missed. My blood pressure rising. And so I decided to write this:

Be Prepared to Stop. Be prepared to stop! Be prepared to STOP?!?!? How about YOU be prepared to KISS MY FUCKIN' ASS!!!! Think about that! The unmitigated GAUL of the person who creates such a sign.

"I have WORK to do", he must be thinking, "and therefore all of YOUR work and plans and hopes and dreams shall be tossed right out the motherfuckin' window! You see, we've got potholes to fill."

Well FUCK YOU, ass muncher! Fuck you and your whole fuckin' crew! Why don't you take one of those shovels I see you leaning on and shove them STRAIGHT UP YOUR ASS!!! Honestly, road work SHOULD be hard work. Should keep you fit and trim. Why are you assholes so FUCKIN' FAT?!?! But I digress...

It should be a FEDERALLY MANDATED LAW and when I am elected president in 2016 it WILL be a Federally FUCKIN' mandated law - punishable by DEATH - that ANY and ALL roadwork will take place between 10 PM and 6 AM. And I mean FINISHED by 6 AM. Don't let me catch you pickin' up your fuckin' CONES at 6:05 AM! If I do? BAM! You're DEAD. Right on the fuckin' SPOT! Judge Dread style. No second chances.

If you work on a road crew and you are reading this and you don't like it, tough FUCKIN' SHIT! Drink some Red Bull and get ready to lean on that fuckin' shovel in the dark.

There. I feel better now. That's out of my system and I didn't have to shoot anybody. Now I return you to our regularly scheduled programming of hating the SAWX.

The All-Star-Minus-One-Break

2005-07-12T17:09:00.000-05:00

Trot Nixon contemplates the looooong 2nd half that awaits the SAWX

Okay, so we are at the All-Star-Minus-One break. Why do I call it that? No Jeter, that's why. And without Jeter, it is not truly an All-Star game. Period. End of story. I encourage you all to refer to it ONLY as the All-Star-Minus-One game for ever and ever. I'm not angry about this and you shouldn't be either. I believe Jeter will use this snub AND the fact that Red SAWX Nation voted early and often for Posednick as motivation to hold them by the nose and kick them in the ass throughout the second half of this season.

After a tough first half for Yankee fans we are only 2.5 games out and the team is finally coming together. I believe we have them right where we want them. Perched atop the AL East and ready to fall. Can't hardly wait...

SAWX fan of the Week...

2005-07-03T09:38:00.000-05:00

We all know SAWX fans are silly and ridiculous and, let's face it, down right embarrassing to be around sometimes. But this guy should be inducted into the SAWX fan Hall of Fame which, I believe, is located in the billiard room of Cheers - a typical BAH-ston pub run by Sam 'May Day' Malone. In fact, this guy should get his own WING in the SAWX fan hall of fame.

Let's break it down, shall we?:

SAWX hat - He gets a pass because he's a long time fan and he lives in New England. His is a tragic story of geography and thus we cannot fault him for his choice of head gear. However...

Tie Dye shirt - A staple throughout the late sixties and early seventies, this fashion tragedy made a BRIEF comeback in the late eighties. However, it's a definite no-no nowadays. Maybe, fashion trends arrive late and stay longer in New England?

Tighty Whities - Simply unacceptable. Especially when you are a big fella, like this guy, you have GOT to give your boys room to breathe. Boxers is clearly the correct choice to make and this man failed to make that choice. He should be brought up on charges of 'testicle abuse' at the very least.

And finally... - Lunging for a foul ball, having your shorts get hung up on the railing and then REMAINING in that GOD AWFUL position for what seemed like an eternity - forcing every fan behind you to deal with that view - until you secured a foul ball. His parents must be PROUD!

I'll give this SAWX fan credit for one thing. He never spilled a DROP of his beer...

There's a special place in hell....

2005-06-28T11:00:00.000-05:00

'Let's eat quickly before Wells shows up!'

For the blasphemous sonuvabitch who created this! You cannot make this stuff up. SAWX fans will stop at nothing in order to celebrate their World Series victory. All you Divinci code fans will love the fact that the part of Mary Magdalen is played by Pedro Martinez!

5.5 games back and closing...

Just remember this...

2005-06-27T12:29:00.000-05:00

On this day in 1978, the Yankees beat the SAWX 6 - 4 and were 8 1/2 games out of first place. Sparky Lyle got the win and Dick Drago took the lossThings got worse for the Yankees before they got better that season. Just a thought...

Cheer Up... The SAWX are struggling!

2005-06-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

(from left to right) - Theo Epstein, Bronson Arroyo and Doug Mirabelli throw out the first pitch recently at Fenway

Ok, so the Yanks are nothing to write home about these days. Feeling blue? Need a pickmeup? Consider this:

- The Yanks are 1 - 9 in their last 10 games and still only trail the SAWX by 3 games. They only trail the birds by 7 games.

- Schilling won't return to the mound until after the All-Star break. If he stays on schedule, the Yankees get first crack at him. It will feel great to send that tool packing after 2 innings.

- Manny Ramirez is hitting .254

- Mark Bellhorn, a TRULY humorless prick, is hitting .244

- Kevin Mill-AH and John Olerud will be at each other's throats by the end of June. The clubhouse is going to implode.

- Keith Foulke can't close a game to save his life. He couldn't close a door!

There, don't you feel better? Of course you do! Nothing like a litte SCHADENFRAUDE to pick up your spirits. Unitl next time please remember, it's not enough that you do well...others must do poorly.

5 Questions With... BigBri

2005-05-31T11:08:00.000-05:00

BigBri - A recent photo

Welcome back to yet another edition of '5 Questions With...'. Today we are lucky enough to be able to present 5 Questions With....BigBri. It's sure to be a schizophrenic masterpiece!

BigBri - Thanks for being here today, BigBri. I know you have a busy schedule of admiring the Greatest Franchise in Sports History, sticking pins in your Johnny Damon voodoo doll and torturing poor souls on various SAWX fan sites and I appreciate your taking the time to talk to us (me??? we???) today.

BigBri - My pleasure, BigBri. This will probably be the most intelligent conversation I have all week.

BigBri - Question #1 - What happened this past weekend?

BigBri - Sigh. I'm not really sure. Pavano let us down - again. That's to be expected, I guess. But not beating Wells like a red-headed step-child? I just don't understand it. God smiles on the stupid sometimes, I guess. Not to worry. The SAWX will wither as the temperature rises.

BigBri - Question #2 - Why this Blog? Why so much hate for the SAWX and their fans?

BigBri - Great question.

BigBri - Thanks

BigBri - Your welcome. When the SAWX won it all last year, I must admit I was happy for them and their fans. As much as the 2004 ALCS hurt ALL Yankee fans, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of that amazing comeback which culminated in a World Series sweep. All those 'fans' who waited all those years to finally see a winner - I was glad for them.

BigBri - Doesn't sound like much of a reason to start this blog...

BigBri - But then....

BigBri - I sensed there was a 'but then' coming...

BigBri - You are VERY intuitive.

BigBri - Thanks.

BigBri - Your welcome. But then... I stumbled upon some SAWX fan sites and blogs. I think I was searching for World Series Championship hat for a friend of mine who is a die-hard SAWX fan. During the search I kept running into these CRAZY SAWX blogs and the content was truly reprehensible. These morons, instead of being happy for their team and celebrating their own victory, chose this moment in time to lash out at the Yankees!!! What the fuck?!?!

BigBri - So you created this bog in response?

BigBri - Not right away. While I was truly annoyed with the ignorance and hubris on display all over the internet, it was the CONSTANT romanticizing from the media that pushed me over the edge. If I had to read ONE MORE article about ONE MORE aging, decrepit SAWX fan whose life was now complete because a bunch of free agent millionaires just won a championship I was gonna hurl. That's when I decided to create this blog.

BigBri - Question #3 - What are you trying to accomplish here?

BigBri - This site is designed to allow Yankee fans and SAWX haters, and there are more of them every day, the ability to mock the SAWX and Red SAWX Nation. For years, the Yankees were perennial champions and, it seemed, SAWX fans held the patent on taking shots at their rivals. Now the tables are turned. The SAWX are on top - not for long - but they are CURRENT World Champions. It's our turn to throw some tomatoes. While I'd rather be World Champs, this can be pretty satisfying as well.

BigBri - Question #4 - What has been the response from SAWX fans?

BigBri - I would say, typical. What you would expect from a bush league town. A lot of crying and a lot of whining. Most SAWX fans are incredulous that ANYONE would attack their beloved team. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em in the ear. For too long, they have viciously attacked the Yankees, the Greatest Franchise in Sports History. And now they have pissed off Yankee fans to the point that they will have to suffer our retaliation.

BigBri - Question #5 - What are your plans for the future of this blog?

BigBri - We'll continue to do what we've done so far. Rip the SAWX and take great satisfaction in their eventual collapse this summer. Can't hardly wait...

BigBri - Thanks very much for your time, BigBri. You are a fascinating guest.

BigBri - Your welcome. And YOU, my friend, are one hell of an interviewer.

The Merry Month of May...

2005-05-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

Bronson Arroyo and 'a friend' pose for pictures at a recent MayDay celebration

As we enter the final week of May, I think it's safe to say the Bronx Bombers are back. They ripped off 10 in a row, the pitching staff is stringing together quality starts and the bullpen is rounding into shape. Mariano continues to dominate. But it wasn't always this way. WAAAAAAAY back in the beginning of the month the Yanks got pasted by the DRAAAYs and made some lineup changes to adjust. What follows is a selection of SUX fans reactions to our 'dark' period and the steps taken to turn things around...

"I'm so glad Pope George issued that encyclical a few weeks ago to turn things around for the Yankees. They've gone 7-8 since. Wicked mystique. Wicked awe."

"How bout that slow implosiion goin' on over in the Bronx though, eh? Bernie to AAA? Enjoy these moments RSN, we still are the reigning WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS and the MFY's are the reigning Chokers. "

"If you think Steinbrenner is bad now, wait until his horse (favored to win the Derby) goes down like a fat girl on prom night. His 'tude will darken exponentially."

BigBri's personal favorite:

"Mmmmm, smell the schadenfreude:
'The Yankees are stuck in this mess. Nobody is going to come knocking on their door to take any of these overpaid underachievers off their hands. Imagine the laughter that results from GMs around the league when Brian Cashman calls, seeking out feelers for Giambi and Brown?
It’s as if the Bambino did some sort of ethereal Anakin Skywalker impression, fighting off his Darth Vader persona, and tossing the Yankee Empire into the incinerator to re-join his original family.
The $200 million New York Yankees are in last place and in freefall. And not even Steinbrenner’s fat wallet can save them this time around.'
It's a beautiful smell, ain't it, kids? That's the smell of 86 years of rancid Karma coming home to roost all at once. For almost nine decades those smug Spankee fans have been running their mouths, and now it's all catching up with them, and the entire world is laughing at them, and they know it."

What a differnece a month makes for SAWX fans. The Yanks have turned it around and we can't wait to get our mitts on these pretenders at The Stadium this weekend. You know those IDIOTS are shaking in their boots at the thought of playing us now. The stage is set. This weekend we settle all family business. And then? Well, let's just say I wouldn't want to be an Orioles fan come Monday morning...

Now this is just sad...

2005-05-10T16:47:00.000-05:00

Red SAWX Nation - Are YOU a 'member'?

Red Sux fans are now able, thanks to MLB.com and the Boston Red Sux, to officially enroll themselves as 'citizens' of Red SAWX Nation. For only $9.95 these 'citizens' are entitled to:

• 2005 MLB.com Gameday Audio. ( I get audio on the radio - and it's free!)

• 2005 Ticketing Preference for the
coolest seats at Fenway. (The coolest or the coldest? I understand summer is scheduled for Wednesday this year in Boston)

• An exclusive membership
e-newsletter with special offers. (In New YAWK we call that SPAM - and it's free!)

• Special access to members-only
pages on redsox.com. (What would a 'members-only' page look like? Just a picture of a room full of dudes with their Twig and Berries hanging out? No thanks)

• Red Sox Nation Citizenship Card. (How drunk would a woman have to be in order to be impressed by this? 'Let me pay for this sweetie. I'll just grab my AMEX..Oooops! That's not my AMEX, that's my RED SOX NATION MEMBERSHIP CARD! You likey, yes???')

• Special members-only redsox.com
shop offers throughout the season. (I don't even want to imagine what a 'members-only' shop looks like. Would they sell members-only jackets there? That might be nice.)

Now I'm all for making fun of the 'Nation', but it just seems like the SAWX front office and MLB.com are taking advantage of a bunch of rabid fools who don't know any better. They are also offering a 'Kid Nation'. Membership here costs $20! I mean, what chance do these kids have? Christ, it makes me want to start a telethon or something...

5 Questions With....Sully the SAWX Fan

2005-05-03T18:31:00.000-05:00

Sully (center) attending a Boston MENSA meeting

Welcome back to yet another edition of '5 Questions With...'. Today we are lucky enough to be able to present 5 Questions With....Sully the SAWX Fan. Buckle up.

BigBri - Sully, thanks for being here today. I know you have a busy schedule of returning empties, keying cars with NY plates on Lansdown street and ironing your 'JETER SWALLOWS' T-shirt and I appreciate your taking the time to talk with us.

Sully - No Problem Brotha! I love to Tawk about the SAWX! Can I have a bee-ah aw somethin'? I'm Paaached.

BigBri - Sure Sully, here you go - a nice cold Brooklyn Lager.

Sully - Piss Off! I ain't drinkin' that New Yahk swill.

BigBri - Ummm, it's free, Sully.

Sully - Wicked Spooney! I'll take it!

BigBri - Question #1. Sully how's life these days.

Sully - Life's wicked Awsome! SAWX won the Wahld Series, Pats won the SUPAH-Bowl. I'm pretty shaw they ah gonna make me head busboy this week. Life's sweetah than Manny's swing...

BigBri - I'm really happy for you Sully. Speaking of Manny's swing... he's leaving a LOT of runners on base lately. So have the rest of the sox. Any concerns?

Sully - Nah! The SAWX ah AWSOME, baby! I wish Schilling wasn't huht though. That sucks...

BigBri - Question #2. I know you are a huge fan. Describe a typical night at Fenway for you and your friends.

Sully - Shaw! No problem. Fuhst, I have to decide what to wear. My choices ah:
- A 'Who died and made you Mahk Bell-Hawn' T-shuht
- A Manny Ramirez road juhsy
- A David Awteez home juhsy
- A 'Jetah Swallows' T-shuht
Then I meet my friends at the Cask 'n' Flagon faw some lobstah rolls and bee-ah. We get wicked piss-ah drunk and then stumble into Fenway - the most GLAHRIOUS BAWL PAHK in the WAHLD! A few MAW bee-ahs during battin' practice and we ah ready to go.

BigBri - Sounds wonderful. Where do you sit?

Sully - In right field real close to the action!

BigBri - Question #3. Ever talk to the play-AHS, I mean players? Jesus, this accent is catching!

Sully - All the time. I was right thah when that guy belted Sheffield. I fuckin' hate Sheffield! He's a juice-AH and he's re-TAH-ded!

BigBri - Question #4. There's a lot of speculation that Nomar Garciapara was on the juice. Folks are saying he was on 'roids when he was on the Sox all those years. Don't you feel like an asshole bitching about Shef and Giambi when a man who was the face of the team for years and years was also on the juice?

Sully - What? NO! What ah you tahkin' about?!?!?! Nom-ah wasn't on the juice! A LOT of guys are able to gain 25 pounds in the off season!

BigBri - Question #5. Sully, is it true you have a PHD from MIT?

Sully - Oh yeah! I'm wicked SMAHT! I'm talkin'Good Will Huntin' smaht! Add, subtract,multiply. All in my head. No fuckin' problem whatsoev-ah.

BigBri - Then why are you a busboy???

Sully - All them jawbs fah wicked smaht guys don't have flexible Ow-ahs. I need to be flexible in awda to see the Sawx as often as possible...

BigBri - Fascinating. There you have it sports fans. 5 questions with Sully the SAWX fan. I have to go now. My hair hurts...

Bobble On With Your Bad Self...

2005-05-02T07:30:00.000-05:00

This is from the 'I swear to God I didn't make this up' department. Curt 'PLEASE Shut the F Up' Schilling and his wife Shonda have unveiled a 'Bobble-Ankle' doll in order to:

1) Put a few sheckles in their pockets
2) Raise money for the SHADE Foundation - a skin cancer awareness organization
3) Raise money to fight ALS
4) Commemorate the 'Guttiest Performance in the History of Sports'

Now I'm all for helping out charities and I'm sure the Schillings are TRYING to do the right thing. After all a PORTION (uh oh) of the proceeds will go to these organizations. However, at this point I believe Schilling needs therapy or something. He has completely lost touch with reality. Consider the fact that this doll was introduced on the SAME DAY the Schill-meister was put on the DL for, you guessed it, a bad ankle, and it's easy to see he has gone over the edge and is so in love with himself he can't see the irony.

You like the cake? Here's the frosting! Schilling is raising money for ALS. During the press conference and in all the Boston papers they ONLY refer to the disease as ALS. They NEVER use the name that the REST of the world uses - Lou Gehrig's Disease. They can't bring themselves to even mention the name of such a great Yankee. Even when they are being charitable, these people find way to act like bush league punks...

Postcards From the Edge

2005-04-28T06:58:00.000-05:00

These IDIOTS don't know enough to come in from the rain

So the SAWX got rained out yesterday. This actually was cause for some celebration in RSN because it meant they could not lose. However their recent losses at the hands of the O's and D-RAAAys, coupled with injuries to David 'Fatboy' Wells and Curt 'Please Shut the F Up' Schilling have really pushed the Nation right to the brink of insanity. Here are some posts that have appeared recently in SAWX blogs all over the 'Nation'.

ON THE RAINOUT LAST NIGHT

"The Red Sox and Orioles game was rained out on Wednesday afternoon. No make-up date was announced. The Red Sox are off on Thursday and open a three-game series with the Rangers on Friday night."

Thank God. They need the rest, and so do I.

ON THE LOSS TO THE ORIOLES THE NIGHT BEFORE

were not going to forget this one ever happened. the sox looked completely lost last night. the pitching-horrible. we can't be scoreing 8 runs and losing games.

---------------------------------

Why is everyone upset? The Sox won last night 8-7, right? Right? RIGHT???!!!! Fuck.

---------------------------------

I think Foulke just needs a good slap. He obviously thinks he's pitching BP, and is on some sort of drug. So we need to tell him to put down the blunt, and get his shit together.

ON THE LOSS OF SCHILLING

Shit! Curt's on the DL with a bone bruise on his ankle (same one as before), and we have 3 starters. Wade isn't ready. Rotation now is Clement, Wake, Bronson, Halama, and who? Abe Alverez? Shit!!!

--------------------------------

Ok - so now Schill's on the DL too.

Fantastic.

This could get ugly. John Hallama is our #4 starter? Rock on.

---------------------------------

did anyone see a wheel go by?

----------------------------------

(BigBri's personal favorite)

I'm gonna put in my "Faith Rewarded" DVD in and leave in running until June. Then I'll tune back into NESN and see what's going on. Schilling could be throwing a no-hitter; Varitek could be throwing one. Anything and everything's possible.

----------------------------------

And there you have it. It's April. They are 'CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD'. And they are ready to go drown themselves in the Big Dig
World's Greatest Fans...Faith Rewarded...BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...

Down goes BOOMAH! Down goes BOOMAH!

2005-04-26T10:57:00.000-05:00

Ortiz ate the last donut??? Oh maaaaaaann!

The downward spiral has begun. David Wells, one of the off-season acquisitions Boy Blunder Theo Epstein brought in to replace the loss of Pedro and Derek Lowe lasted just 3 and 2/3 innings against Baltimore last night, gave up 8 hits and 6 earned runs. He left the game with a 'sprained foot' and refused to talk to reporters after leaving the hospital. BOOMAH promises to address the media before tonight's game. Can't hardly wait...

The Sox have lost 3 of their last 4 and are looking forward to their off day on Thursday - when they are guaranteed not to lose. It's unfortunate that Wells is hurt. Maybe the SAWX will learn their lesson and not pin their hopes on such an aging fat man. Only a few days ago all of RSN was rejoicing over Wells' last 2 starts in which he pitched 15 scoreless innings! And now, as you can imagine, we have on our hands a Nation of SAWX fans crying in their Sam Adams and eagerly anticipating the arrival of Wade Miller. Only Miller can't rehab because it keeps raining on the Seadogs - the minor league team he has been assigned to. He will likely pitch today for Triple A Pawtucket.

This is BigBri signing off and praying for rain...again. Till next time...

Sox Dish it Out, Can't take it.

2005-04-24T20:03:00.000-05:00

Somewhere in this crowd Bronson Arroyo is shrieking 'Not the face!! PLEASE, not the face!'

So the SAWX managed to save some their reputation as World Champs and NOT get swept by the Devil Rays on Sunday. In the process, however, they showed us all what a classless bunch of clowns they truly are. Bronson Arroyo hits Aubrey Huff and nothing happens. The next inning D-Rays pitcher Lance Carter comes inside to Manny Ramirez and the Boston bench is bitching and complaining to the umpires. Manny homers and Carter comes inside again to Ortiz. Now the benches clear. Keep in mind Aubrey Huff has been HIT by a pitch. The SAWX are merely being brushed back. In the twisted mind of the SAWX that doesn't matter.

The next inning Arroyo, the BIGGEST WOOS in the major leagues, hits Chris Singleton with his second pitch. Benches clear again. Varitek gets into it with Singleton as Singleton tries to rip Arroyo in half. Of course, just like the fight with A-Rod V-Tek is too scared to ever take his mask off. Arroyo and Francona, rightfully so, were ejected. The SAWX go on to win the game 11-3 against the Triple A Devil Rays, but in the process they once again distinguished themselves as being the most bush-league team in the Majors. Of course the 'Nation' will find a way to gloss over the whole thing and romanticize this God-awful event. By this time next week, they'll be singing the 'Ballad of Bronson Arroyo' in bars up and down Yawkey Way. What a Nation of fools...

Hating the 'Nation' is catching on...

2005-04-21T07:51:00.000-05:00

People like this poor, dumb SOB are hated all over this great land of ours

So I started this blog about a month ago because I noticed that there weren't enough good places on the internet to hate the SAWX. I knew **I** hated the SAWX and figured there must be others out there who felt the same way. ESPECIALLY given the way they have behaved in the wake of 'the most improbable victory in history' , 'greatest comeback of all time', blah, blah, blah, yadayadayada, long story short, they won the World Series and have acted like complete A-holes ever since.

To wit: These knuckleheads actually sell T-shirts advertising the Yankees as the 'Biggest Chokers in history'. I'm not making this up! The image you see below has not been altered in any way. SAWX fans actually spend their time MAKING this crap and OTHER SAWX fans spend their rent money BUYING this crap!

We in the REAL world remember that being ONE STRIKE away from winning a friggin' WORLD SERIES and coming away with NOTHING (a la 1986 SAWX) STILL qualifies as the BIGGEST CHOKE in Sports History. They are also selling socks with BLOODSTAINS on them (the graphic nature of which prohibits me from showing them to you nice people) in order to celebrate Curt 'Please Shut the F UP" Schiiling's 'Guttiest Performance in the History of Sports'.

Add to all this the COUNTLESS signs, news articles, major motion pictures, etc., etc., etc., celebrating this 'Nation of IDIOTS', and it can start to wear on you after a while. So I created this blog. And it was LONELY at first. During the first couple of weeks, most comments were from angry (and probably drunk) SAWX fans whining and complaining how I just 'didn't get it'.

I was beginning to feel as if I'd made a mistake. Perhaps I was alone on the internet. Unlike the fellow who searches EBAY for G.I Joe hands - not the whole doll mind you - just the hands, and discovers a universe full of folks with the same sick, twisted fetish, it seemed I might be alone in my quest to hate the SAWX and their God-awful Nation. BigBri become ANGRY! BigBri want to SMASH! Ooops! Sorry. I was overcome by the spirit of Johnny Damon for a second there. I'm back. And then... Support started to trickle in. Comments from OTHER SAWX Nation haters gave me hope. I began to get phone calls from friends and emails from strangers telling me they liked what I was doing. I was filling a niche.

And now that trickle of support has grown into a MIGHTY RIVER! No less an expert than ESPN - world wide leader in sports, has jumped on board BigBri's bandwagon! ESPN has seen fit to publish two separate articles on hating Red SAWX Nation. The first, Red Sox Overload discusses the ubiquitous nature of the SAWX and their Nation and how the world has had enough of 'All Boston all the time'. The second article, entitled '86 things we hate about you' is a litany of reasons to hate the SAWX. Clearly this article was inspired by the totally obnoxious behavior on the part of SAWX Nation. In addition Peter Schmuck of the Baltimore Sun has written 'Read my lips: Get me a passport out of overhyped Red Sox Nation'
Give 'em a read. Any true Nation hater will love them.

And now I have to go. I'm bidding on a set of Kung Fu grips and I don't want anybody to beat me out at the last second. Don't judge me!...

5 Questions With....Johnny Damon

2005-04-19T07:55:00.000-05:00

Johnny Damon - wave your hat if you hate your family!

Welcome back RSN haters. We have a special treat for you today. 5 Questions With...Johnny Damon. Let's get right to it.

Bigbri: Johnny, thanks for being here. I know you have a busy schedule of book signings, grooming yourself and ignoring your kids from your first wife. We appreciate you taking the time for us today.

JD: Johnny Damon glad to be here. Johnny Damon like talking to blog-people. Johnny Damon happy to add to global conversation made possible by interconnected network of networks. Johnny Damon very happy Al Gore invented internet.

BigBri: Right. Great. Ok, Question #1: You've just written a book entitled 'Idiot: Beating the Curse and Enjoying the Game of Life'. Given the fact that you just divorced your highschool sweetheart, turned your back on your kids and trashed their mother in the book, do you think you are qualified to give advice on 'Enjoying the Game of Life'?

JD: Johnny Damon VERY qualified. You get a look at MRS. Johnny Damon?!? Hubba, Hubba! Johnny Damon VERY happy. Not sure about ex-wife and kids.

BigBri: Good point. For a mono-syllabic mouth-breather, you have a great way of getting your point across.

JD: Huh?

BigBri: Forget it. Question #2: In your book, you hammered Alex Rodriguez pretty hard for the way he slapped the ball out of Arroyo's hand during the ALCS. Before the book came out, however, you wrote him a note to apologize for what you said. You claimed you didn't like the way things were presented in print. Were you mis-quoted in your own book?

JD: Johnny Damon glad you brought that up. Johnny Damon very ANGRY at A-Rod during ALCS. Johnny Damon think that was bush-league play! Johnny Damon want to SMASH things when Johnny Damon see replay! Johnny Damnon vent anger while writing book. That make Johnny Damon feel better. Book writing very cathartic for Johnny Damon. When Johnny Damon look back, Johnny Damon think, maybe A-Rod not such a bad man. After all most current players and ALL former players, when asked, say A-Rod take it too easy on Arroyo. They say A-Rod should lower shoulder and plant Arroyo in right field. He, he, he. That make Johnny Damon laugh. Bronson Arroyo VERY skinny kid. He would fly though air like pretty kite if A-Rod run into him. That why Johnny Damon write note to A-Rod. Johnny Damon sorry...

BigBri: Johnny, do you want a tissue? Do you need a moment?

JD: NO! Johnny Damon fine! Johnny Damon not crybabay. Continue!

BigBri: Okay! Question #3: Johnny, what's your favorite word?

JD: SOXWINSOXWINSOXWINSOXWIN!

BigBri: Interesting. Question 4:What's your LEAST favorite word?

JD: Johnny Damon's least favorite word is ALIMONY! Johnny Damon have LOTS of money. Now Johnny Damon lose HALF his money to first wife. That make Johnny Damon ANGRY! Johnny Damon want to SMASH! New wife is hot piece of ass, but she make Johnny Damon sign books for long time in every city on every road trip! She say it help us make MORE money so we can have MORE nice things. Pretty cars and sparkly jewelry. It not easy to sign name when Johnny Damon not have opposable thumb.

BigBri: Last question: Would you ever play centerfield for the NY yankees?

JD: Johnny Damon say, if price is right, Johnny Damon play centerfield on Mars! Johnny Damon love Red Sox. Johnny Damon HATE Evil Empire....unless Evil Empire pay Johnny Damon big money. That make Johnny Damon LOVE Evil Empire! Johnny Damon pragmatist...

BigBri: There you have it sports fans. 5 Questions With...Johnny Damon. A truly unique individual and one HELL of an IDIOT!

World's Worst Fans...

2005-04-14T21:40:00.000-05:00

What can I say? It's why I created this site. SAWX fans are the WORST in the world, and they proved it tonight. Poor umpiring (for both teams) aside, this was a barn burner of a game and it was marred by the fact that Red Sox Nation can't handle their booze.

Shef is trying to run down a ball in the corner and some drunk is taking a swipe at him? While some OTHER drunk is tossing a beer on him? Bush league. Strictly bush league. But it's what we've come to expect from the Fenway Faithful. Especially in the late innings when they've had a few too many.

Great game for the Sox. They got their hits when they needed them. Even though we smacked Arroyo around really hard, we just couldn't the big hits when it counted. But in the end, it was Red Sox Nation that once again embarrased itself. Hey Sully or SMitty or whatever your friggin' name is. GREAT job. Wicked Awsome SUPAH job! You really showed those Yankees what YAW made of!

What a nation of clowns....

Jimmy Fallon makes a deal...

2005-04-13T15:24:00.000-05:00

This tool is dead to me

Jimmy Fallon(JF): Umm sir? I hate to bother you like this, but I think there's some sort of misunderstanding with our...arrangement.

Satan: Ah yes, James! Come in my boy, come in! Have a seat. I'll just be a minute. I'm on a conference call with Bill Gates and Mark Cuban. Just one minute....

JF: (meekly) thanks...

Satan: Yes, I understand your disappointment William. Unfortunately, a never-ending string of security holes that cannot ever be fixed regardless of how many 'patches' you put out was part of the deal. No? Look it up! It's filed under 'Help Me Defeat Netscape'. Yes, I'm quite sure.

JF: Can I have some ice water?

Satan: (smiling) Hell, no!

JF: (meekly) ok...

Satan: And Mr. Cuban, I'm sorry but you've already sold me everything you've got. I'd love to help you out, but unless you get hold of somebody ELSE'S soul, the Mavs are shit out of luck. What's that? You are friends with Ryan Seacrest? Yeah, I don't think he can help you. Take care guys. I've got another appointment. Okay. Talk to you next week...

Satan: (to JF) Sorry about that. Those 2 assholes keep trying to renegotiate their deals. I mean, haven't I done enough for them? Now...what brings you all the way down here my dear boy?

JF: Well, um. You remember when we first met? I was turning tricks in Hollywood for 10 bucks a throw and hosting an open mike night?

Satan: Yes, of course I do. What a WASTE of your God-given talent. So sad...but what a PURDY mouth you had. MmmHmmm, you could suck-start a leaf blower...

JF: Well, when we made our...arrangement...

Satan: You mean when YOU agreed to offer me your soul and live in eternal damnation in exchange for ENORMOUS success while alive on earth? Is that the...arrangement you are talking about?

JF: (meekly) Yes, that's the one. I think maybe there's been a misunderstanding...

Satan: Have I not given you all you desire? Did you not get a starring role on SNL? Did you not co-host Weekend Update with that HOT piece of ass, Tina Fey? Did you not move on to star in MAJOR MOTION PICTURES after just a few years on SNL? Did you not accomplish all that while basically having no talent? Did I not deliver the WORLD to you on a platter while making sure that same world IGNORED the fact that you are a no-talent ass-clown???

JF: Well, yes, but...

Satan: But WHAT?!?! It seems to me you are WAY ahead of the game, son. Don't piss me off.

JF: It's just that, you promised....

Satan: (smiling) yesssssss????

JF: You promised that one of my films would be #1 in the nation. I thought FEVER PITCH would be that film. And yet...

Satan: And yet...?

JF: And yet, it's NOT #1 in the nation. In fact it's #3 - Behind Sin City and Sahara for christ's sake. I mean, Sin City I can MAYBE understand...

Satan: Certainly, it's a favorite of mine

JF: But Sahara??? Come on! And my movie only made 12 million. I mean, that SUCKS! I just feel like I'm being taken advantage of

Satan: James, my dear, sweet boy. I promised you that your film would be #1 in A nation, not THE nation. Go ahead and look it up. Your film, while a major box office disappointment in THE nation is #1 in Red Sox Nation.

JF: Are you kiddiing me???

Satan: I'm afraid not, James. And while Red Sox Nation may be FIERCELY loyal, they are, by and large, too stupid to find their way to a movie theater and thus, the box office numbers will suffer. Once again Evil has prevailed! I have, technically, delivered on my promise, stolen your soul, and left you ultimately unsatisfied. I LIVE for this!

JF: Couldn't you just do a little more for me? Couldn't Fever Pitch become a SLEEPER hit, like Sideways?

Satan: James, are you still here? I've done ENOUGH for Red Sox Nation lately. The ALCS comeback, the World Series. Have you seen the RACK on Mrs. Johnny Damon?!?! You think 'Mother Nature' did that? You think that was 'God's Work'? PUHLEEZE! Now get out of here! Go enjoy what's left of your life on earth. (evil smile)I'll be here waiting for you when you're done...

JF: Well, that's going to be hard to do...Even though I was BORN in New York, nobody there wants to talk to me 'cuz I was in this STUPID movie.

Satan: Don't you have a lot of NEW fans in BOSSSSTON, James?

JF: Have you ever SPOKEN to a Red Sox fan? It's IMPOSSIBLE! I HATE IT! They're drunk ALL THE TIME! And they're all named SULLY or SMITTY or REILLY! And ALL they talk about ALL the time is the SAWX and how AWSOME it is that the SAWX finally won and how WICKED AWSOME they are for being SO devoted for SO long! It's pathetic! It's awful! It's like...

Satan: It's like?....

JF: Hell! It's like Hell...on earth! OH MY GOD!!! What have I done?!?!?!?

Satan: (smiling) Ta Ta James, have a nice day. Enjoy your stay on earth and...we'll leave the light on for ya..

JF: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Shut up, Stand There and Take it...

2005-04-11T12:34:00.000-05:00

Class. Torre and The Captain lead by example

This will be a tough day. If you hate the SAWX and hate Red Sox Nation this will definitely be a tough day. And there is only ONE way to get through it. Shut your mouth. Stand up tall. Take your medicine.

"But BigBri!", I can almost hear you say. "This is BULLSHIT!" The Yankees have never made the Red Sox watch as they presented any of their 26 Championship rings!". Settle down. Do not protest. The SAWX won the Series. They can hand out those rings whenever they damn well please. The fact that the Yankees have never seen fit to rub success in the noses of the SAWX only supports what we already know to be true - The Yankees are a world-class organization. They win with class.

The SAWX and the Yankees have hated each other since Pike's Peak was a pimple. When the Yankees win (which is often) they accept their rings, trophies, etc., in stride. They don't NEED to stick it to anybody. They don't need to show anybody up. They just get back to the business of winning more championships. In short, the Yankees behave as if they have won before and they expect to win again. The fact that the SAWX will be handing out over 500 rings to celebrate this championship really should tell you something about their confidence in their ability to repeat.

So, if you hate the SAWX and Red Sox Nation, don't worry about today. Let them have their final day in the sun. You wouldn't deny a condemned man his final meal, would you? Of course you wouldn't. When the last-place SAWX take the field today, in their gold-trimmed uniforms, basking in the glow of their championship rings, do not be upset. This is closure. This represents the final act in this dismal play. The sun is setting on Red Sox Nation and they are headed for a long, cold night. Sleep tight SAWX fans. We'll wake you up in time for the 2090 season...

A Bronx Tale....

2005-04-08T07:44:00.000-05:00

Remember the film 'A Bronx Tale '? Remember when the nasty, hairy, motorcycle gang (sound like any IDIOTS we know?) rolled into town and started to bust up the local Mafia Don's bar? Remember what happened? The Don, Sonny, asked them, politely, to leave. When they refused, Sonny walked across the room, closed the door and LOCKED it. Then he turned to the nasty, hairy motorcycle gang and said, "Now, yous can't leave".

With that, Sonny's crew erupted from the back room (with baseball bats of course) and preceeded to kick the ever loving crap out of the nasty motorcycle gang. The way I see it, Torre is Sonny and it is time he turned his boys loose on this nasty, hairy gang of idiots we call the SAWX.

You want to tell me they hit Jeter (twice) by mistake? I'm not buying it. And the NEXT time Ortiz leans over the plate he needs to get one in his ear (not 'on purpose' of course).

In other news, Yankee fans are catching heat for booing Mariano the other day and the FEW WHO ACTUALLY BOOED him should take some heat. The man is the best ever at what he does. He lives in 'NO-BOO' territory as far as I'm concerned, and the majority of Yankee fans feel the same way The fans who should REALLY be catching hell are the SAWX fans who celebrate Jeter's beanings. They are the same ass munchers who think Zim had it coming and Varitek is a hero for going after A-Rod while keeping his mask on.

You can tell a lot about a group of people by how they pick their heros. That's why I started this site. To shine a bright light on the dark ignorance of Red Sox Nation - a TRULY bitter and ignorant group of human beings.

A perfect example is Mr. Dan Shaughnessy a columnist for the Boston Globe. In his April 7th column and in a phone call to radio station 1050 AM, this tool berated Yankee fans for booing Rivera and said that NEVER would have happened in Boston. "It would have been like Larry Bird being booed at the GAHDEN", he said. This is supposed to lead us to believe that Boston fans are somehow better than NY fans, somehow more loyal. MY ASS! Look at how the city of Boston has turned on every star they've ever had after they leave. Clemens, Boggs, NoMAH, etc, etc., etc. Here's a quote from Rick Pitino in 2002 regarding the city of Boston- "All this negativity that's in this town sucks. . . . I've been around when Jim Rice was booed. I've been around when (Carl) Yastrzemski was booed. And it stinks. It makes the greatest town, greatest city in the world, lousy."
Although he's obviously confused about which city is the greatest in the world, you get the point ;-).

Here's to getting healthy in Baltimore and then totally peeing all over their ring ceremony...

Afternoon Delight...

2005-04-05T16:28:00.000-05:00

No Red Sox Nation...

FOULKE YOU!!!

It is High!.....It is Far!...It!...IS!....GONE!!!!!! John Sterling spoke those simple words and Derek Jeter lit up the Bronx (and Keith Foulke) as he smashed a walk-off home run. Another great victory for the Yanks and another crushing defeat for the SAWX. It was a little dicey there at times and Rivera needs to shut down the SAWX ONE of these days. But in true, blue Yankee form, they came through in the clutch.

See you tomorrow SAWX fans... Can't hardly wait....

Let the HATING begin...

2005-04-04T13:58:00.000-05:00

David 'Fatboy' Wells hangs his head in shame as he heads for the showers after 4 and a third innings.

O.K. everybody settle down. We smoked them on opening day, like we knew we would. We've got a long season ahead of us and it's important not to get TOO excited about any one game. But this one WAS sweet. Actually, could it have been any sweeter? Johnson was masterful. Matsui is a God in left field. A-Rod does it with the bat and the glove. And Tino! Somebody friggin' PINCH me.

Beyond all that we were able to expose every weakness the BOSUX have in one beautiful game. Lousy starting pitching (A friggin' BALK with the bases loaded???), a bullpen that's a joke and horrible defense. Johnny Damon, the anchor of their defense looked CLUELESS out there as he one-hopped that shot by A-Rod off his face. Maybe one of the many women who throw themselves at him on a daily basis will make him feel better. But I digress...

Like I said, it's just one game. They may not all be as beautiful. We may even lose a few, but you got a glimpse of what a pissed-off Ynakee lineup is capable of. It was a thing of beauty... I'll leave you with a photo journal of opening day, 2005. Enjoy!

Will someone please tell me what this poor old bastard's point is?

'Johnny Damon wish he had opposable thumbs so Johnny damon could open glove'

Manny Ramirez....pay attention to these next 2 photos. They are called OFFENSE and DEFENSE. You should try it!

OFFENSE - 2 Run Homer

DEFENSE - Taking AWAY a 2 Run Homer

Next parade in Boston..2090

2005-04-03T12:49:00.000-05:00

SAWX fans as they ponder the upcoming 2005 season

Opening Day! Here at last. The Red SUX are no longer simply World Champs. They are now DEFENDING World Champs. A subtle but important difference. It's been a long bitter winter. The 'IDIOTS' and 'IDIOT NATION' have enjoyed themselves immensley but now it's our turn.

It's time for the Yankees and Yankee fans everywhere to take back what is rightfully ours. But we must remember to not simply enjoy our victory. We'd be shortchanging ourselves if we did that. We must also remember to take time to revel in the fact that the more WE celebrate the more THEY suffer. I want to introduce you all to a phrase we'll be using a lot during the 2005 season - Schadenfreude. Here's the definition:

scha·den·freu·de - (noun) Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others

It's a beautiful word. A word that, if you believe in it, can actually DOUBLE your pleasure. Say it with me - Schadenfreude. Mmmmmm. Feels good doesn't it? Yes it does. So enjoy 2005 Yankee fans. We truly deserve the wonderful summer we are about to experience. And remember - It's not enough that you should do well...others must do poorly. Schadenfreude. Mmmmmmmm.

Derek Lowe to Ortiz: Please Papi, get your hands off my nads!

2005-03-30T11:59:00.000-05:00

Lowe tries to be discreet as he guides Ortiz away from his twig and berries

Bring 'Em On!

2005-03-29T12:18:00.000-05:00

Bronson Arroyo flexes his "muscles"

So the season is almost upon us and the Boston Red Sux would have you believe they are ready to defend their title. Nothing could be further from the truth. This band of IDIOTS has spent the season so far afield from baseball that they won't have their heads in the game until July - when it will be WAAAAAY to late. Let's recap their joyous off season:

- They went to Disney World

- Johnny Damon wrote a book! Shouldn't you be able to READ a book before they let you WRITE a book???

- They complained about A-Rod.

- They got FAT! Have you SEEN Manny Ramirez?? That dude weighs a TON!

The 'Budah-like' Manny Ramirez

- They lost Pedro and Lowe and Mientkiewicz and Cabrera. In short, they discarded some of the key players from the 2004 team - a typical Boston bush league move.

The Red Sux are NOT ready to defend this title. They are NOT prepared to go up against the increased competition a team faces after they have won it all. Everybody will be gunning for them this year and they will fold under the pressure. But most of all, they are NOT prepared to admit that they are now more like the Yankees and less like the Chicago Cubs. Their payroll is comparable to the Yankees, they are defending champs and they have bandwagon fans all over this great land of ours. They believe they can continue to behave like 'Idiots' and get the job done again. They can't.

One of the biggest joys of my life is going to be watching that clubhouse come apart at the SEAMS as the pressure builds, the Sox fall in the standings, and their legions of fans turn on them as only the bitter denizens of RED SOX NATION can. I've said it before and I'll say it again - this is going to be one loooong, slooooow, painful season for the Red Sox and Red Sox Nation.

Bring 'Em On!!!

Johnny Damon shaves his ass and learns to walk backwards!

2005-03-24T13:27:00.000-05:00

Would you let THIS man pitch for you on opening day?

2005-03-20T09:31:00.000-05:00

David Wells - The Red SUX Opening Day pitcher

Schiling is sideined with a sore ankle and the sniffles which means none other than DAVID WELLS will pitch for the Red SUX on opening day! I can hardly wait. That's right people, the same man who walked off the mound after ONE INNING during Game 5 of the 2003 World Series with a 'sore back' is the next best pitcher in the SUX rotation after Schilling. This is going to be one AWFUL year for SUX fans. I can hardly wait! Did I already say that? It bears repeating - again. I can hardly wait!!!

But because I don't want the SUX to flame out TOO early in the season - it will be MUCH more painful for them to hang around until August. I'm offering some suggestions for David 'Fatboy' Wells to keep himself in shape - if only for a little while. What follows is a Top 3 list of ways for Wells to stay upright through the All-Star break.

1. Winsor Pilates
Let Daisy Fuentes get you looong and lean and flexible

2. Work out with Bronson Arroyo
I don't what that guy is doing but he's thin as a RAIL!

3. Take Johnny Damon for his morning walk.
I can't think of a better way to start the day than to strap the leash on Johnny Damon and take him for his morning walk. It's so nice to see him romping around the woods, taking a crap near a tree and then eating it. He seems SOOOOO happy!

Red Sux to appear on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

2005-03-15T12:09:00.000-05:00

Carson Kressley picks lice from Johnny Damon's hair

The Boston Red Sux are exploring alternative lifestyles this week as they invite the 'Fab Five' from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy into their locker room. The 'Idiots' explored the dark and mysterious world of 'Metro-Sexuals' at the behest of their life partners. Which Red Sux, you ask, signed up for back-waxing, pedicures and man-chowder lessons? None other than Johnny Damon, Kevin Millar, Tim Wakefield, Doug Mirabelli and Jason Varitek.

When asked if this latest distraction would affect their ability to defend their title, the 'Idiots' replied a unanimous 'NO!'. 'And one other thing', said Jason Varitek, 'A-Rod could never do anything as cool as this'. 'He's not a real Yankee', said Wakefield.

'Johhny Damon say Queer Eye Guys have good fashion sense', grunted the simian Johnny Damon.'Johnny Damon feel better about himself now that nails are clean and balls have been waxed. Johnny Damon feel pretty....very pretty.'

After the taping Doug Mirabelli and Carson Kressley flew off to Massachusetts
to be married. They will honeymoon in Ft. Meyers Florida so as not to disrupt spring training.

Sux team owner,Larry Lucchino, commented on his team's bizarre behavior this spring."This is not your grandfather's spring training," said the Red Sox president/CEO as he watched the players interact with their television hosts.

Indeed, Larry, indeed.

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An overwhelmed Carson says 'YES!' after Mirabelli proposes.

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Bronson Arroyo runs windsprints

5 Questions with Jason Varitek

2005-03-11T10:18:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone and welcome to a brand spanking new segment here at the RSNH Blog - 5 Questions With... Today we are joined by everybody's favorite catcher, Jason Varitek and so, without further delay, I'd like to present 5 Questions With...Jason Varitek.

Jason 'Glad To See You' Varitek

BigBri: Before we get started, let me ask. Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Varitek: Huh?

BigBri: Forget it...Jason, thanks for being here today. I know you have a busy spring schedule filled with wind sprints, batting practice and bashing A-Rod and I appreciate your taking the time to talk to us.

Varitek: No problem, man. Great to be here. A-Rod sucks, by the way and he isn't really a Yankee in my book.

BigBri: Riiiiiight. Thanks for clearing that up. So, what was the off-season like for you and the rest of the Sox. Did you relish your new-found celebrity?

Varitek: It was cool. Lot's of people bought me drinks. Hey, remember last year when I slapped A-Rod around and mushed my glove in his face? That was pretty cool. A-Rod sucks.

BigBri: Yes, you've mentioned that before. What was it like to go to the WhiteHouse?

Varitek: It was cool. President Bush is a Cowboy. Remember when I made up that saying, 'Cowboy Up'? That was pretty cool. A-Rod could never come up with something cool like that. He's not a real Yankee.

BigBri: Ummmmmmmm, actually Timlin and Millar have been given credit for 'Cowboy Up'.

Varitek: They did? Huh. Didn't realize that. Are you sure?

BigBri: Yes, quite sure. Back to the Sox and your World Championship...are you guys ready to defend the title this year?

Varitek: Absolutely! There is no way the Yankees can beat us, because A-Rod sucks and he isn't a real Yankee. If he continues to suck and doesn't ever become a real Yankee, which I don't think he ever will, then we will defend our title for sure!

BigBri: Ooooookay. So let me get this straight. The most important factors for the Sox success this year are, #1- A-Rod must continue to suck, and #2 A-Rod must continue to not be a real Yankee. Isn't there anything else? Are you worried about the pitching staff? Ward and Schiiling are out right now. Are you worried about how Renteria will fit in with the rest of the team?

Varitek: NO!!! WHAT?!?!!? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?! None of that crap matters! Haven't you been listening to me and my boys this spring?!?!? We don't need pitching and we DON'T need team chemistry. We're IDIOTS for christ's sake! All we need is for A-Rod to continue to suck and for A-Rod to NOT become a real Yankee.

BigBri: Well, that's all the time we have today. Thanks a lot for being here Jason and have a great season.

Varitek: Thanks for having me, BigBri. I'm looking forward to the season. I just hope A-Rod doesn't do any bush league stuff like run into Arroyo or stuff like that. A-Rod sucks and I don't think he's a real Yankee.

BigBri: Once again, thanks for clearing that up. That's it for now, sports fans. Join us next week when we present 5 Questions with Johnny 'Caveman' Damon. Should be FASCINATING!

Red SUX pitching rotation shaping up nicely

2005-03-10T08:23:00.000-05:00

Looks like the Red Sux and 'Boy Blunder' Theo Epstein have done a terrific job setting up a pitching rotation that lost Pedro Martinez and Derek Lowe. Wade Miller, who Theo 'I hope my mommy lets me stay up past 9PM tonight' Epstein signed in the off-season will miss the first month of the season. Nice job Theo!

Wade Miller publicly thanks Epstein for paying him NOT to pitch
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In other news...Curt Schilling may not be ready for the season opener because, and I swear I'm not making this up, he has the SNIFFLES. Red SUX doctors offered to surgically staple his nose, but Schillling declined. What a PUSS!

Schilling to SUX fans... ACHOO. God bless and make you able to 'Cowboy up'
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Red Sox getting into the hamburger biz!

2005-03-09T13:15:00.000-05:00

The Boston Red SUX have purchased three properties in and around fenway, including a Mcdonald's. I think it's a great idea for the SUX to investigate the fast food business, because they DEFINITELY ain't gonna be able to stay in the 'defending our Title' business for very long.
Good for you Red SUX and GOOD LUCK in your new endeavor!

Theo Epstein asks, 'Would you like fries with that?'

Welcome!

2005-03-08T08:08:00.000-05:00

Welcome to RedSox Nation Haters. A home for those of us who have had it up to HERE with the Red Sox, their idiotic fans, their bush league front office and all the bandwagon morons you see walking around town with their brand new Sox hats on.

It is fortunate that this blog begins today. last night, the Yankees CLOBBERED the Sox, 9 - 2 in a spring training game. A game that is meaningless except for the fact that it foretells a horrible future for the 2005 'Idiots'. It is going to be a looooong, sloooooow, horrible summer for the SOx and for those who love them. I can't wait......

Renteria skips like a girl!
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Former Emporer...current Idiot David 'Fatboy' Wells
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