Thursday, November 03, 2005

My work here is done...

Just like the good Lord after the flood, I offer you this rainbow as proof that we will never again have to suffer through a Red SAWX championship

We did it. We put our minds to it. Gave it our best effort and we goddamned did it. I created and updated the blog. You read it and, together, we focused our hatred and reduced a championship baseball team to a pile of rubble. Hats off to us!

When this blog was founded during spring training of the 2005 season (only 9 months ago!), the Boston Red SAWX were on top of the world. They were World Series champions, had (in their opinion) improved their team for 2005, had an honest-to-God (in their opinion) genius for a G.M. and a caring and committed ownership team. All this good fortune caused the folks in Boston to climb upon their high horse and announce, "The Yankees AH dead! Long live the Red SAWX!".

Based on the outcome of 2004, SAWX fans now referred to the Yankees as the 'Chokees'. They talked about the Bronx Bombers becoming 'irrelevant'. Old. Overpaid. Underperforming. And then they said something that really caught my attention - 'The Yankees don't matter anymore. The Dawn of the Red SAWX era has begun and the sun has set on the mighty Yankee empire'.

As I traveled through cyberspace and the blog-o-sphere and encountered such nonsense one word kept occurring to me over and over again - Hubris. Like characters in a Greek tragedy, the members of Red SAWX Nation were setting themselves up for a fall. This fall would come not because they had risen so high, but rather because they sought to push the rival Yankees so low. It was not enough for them to revel in happiness over their win. Somewhere deep in their black little hearts they wanted - needed - to stick it to the Yankees and Yankee fans. They were unable to simply acknowledge Yankee fans as we tipped our caps and offered our congratulations, which we did. They couldn't accept our well-wishes. They didn't enter the Hall of Champions gracefully. Rather, SAWX fans took this opportunity to hang the tag of 'Biggest Choke-AHS EVAH!' on the New York Yankees. Some went as far as to say 'The Yankee loss in 2004 wipes away all the glory of 26 World Championships'. Hubris.

And so I decided to do something about it. I set up this blog. Invited you all in. Acknowledged the fact that, while the 2004 ALCS loss was brutal, it was also liberating. Allowed me, as a Yankee fan, to stand with the others and throw rocks at the newly crowned champs. And throw them I did. We did. We focused our energy through this blog and brought down the once-mighty Red SAWX. Take a bow everybody.

Surely there have been some highlights along the way:

- The varitek interview (March)
- The Queer Eye appearance (march)
- The Johnny Damon interview (April)
- Jimmy Fallon's deal with the devil (April)
- The BigBri interview (May)
- Curt Schilling's 'bobble ankle' (May)
- The SAWX fan with his pants down (July)
- The utter collapse of the SAWX (August/September)

When you consider the fact that the collapse of the SAWX is something we predicted here right from the beginning, it is all the more sweet.

There have been lowlights as well. I engaged in far too many 'comment wars' with the idiots who inhabit 'The Nation'. And my off-topic rant about traffic, while very funny, is not something I'm particularly proud of.

In the end the SAWX just couldn't suffer the slings and arrows launched from this blog. I knew that if we pulled together and focused our hatred to a fine pinpoint of venom we could aim it like a laser and bring the SAWX and Red SAWX Nation to their knees. And we have. To Wit:

- The team folded like a cheap suit in September as the Mighty Yankees kicked them out of first place in the AL East.

- They were swept out of the ALDS in three games straight and, wonder of all wonders, the final loss came in Fenway where the 'Nation' was forced to watch their once-great team complete their utter collapse.

- Schilling will never be a #1 starter again

- Manny is on his way out of town

- David 'Fatboy' Wells wants out

- Johnny Damon wants out

- And finally, Theo the 'Boy Wonder' Epstein has left the team. This is most significant because it signals the true end for the 'one and done' 2004 Red SAWX. Maybe one championship in 86 years is what passes for a dynasty in Bean Town these days?

And so my work is done. While this past baseball season has been particularly enjoyable, I must close the books on the 'Red Sox Nation Haters' blog. Like I said, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed it immensely. But all the hating does take its toll after awhile. While I was happy to shoulder the 'burden of hate' when called upon, the fact is it is simply not necessary anymore. The Red SAWX are no longer relevant. One and done. Paper champs. Not worth the trouble. And I encourage you all to follow my lead. Turn your backs on Boston. Raise your chin up and look toward the Bronx. Our rosy future. Wang and Cano. Cashman re-signed (as opposed to THEO who is resigned). 2 more years of Torre. Rejoice! But hate no longer. It's simply not necessary...

Friday, October 07, 2005

Faith Ret-AH-ded

AWWWW Sully! I nev-AH saw this comin'!

And so it ends. The anomaly that was the championship reign of the of the Red SAWX is over. All is right with the Universe again. There's a skip in my step, a song in my heart and (momentarily) a couple of beers in my belly. And the weekend just got started... DAMN! Does it get ANY better than this? I submit that it does not!

This is sweet. This feels good. This feels right. And what makes it even sweeter? The knuckleheads in Red SAWX Nation never in a MILLION years thought this was going to happen to them. "we've been down o- 2 bee-FAW" they hollered today. "We've got them right where we want them". Give me a f*ckin' break. Great teams don't consistently come back from the brink. Great teams stay away from the brink. And the SAWX are not a great team. And now they are gone. Good riddance.

This will be a week(s) long celebration of all things anti-SAWX. We'll be visited by old friends and some new comers as well. Check back soon for words of wisdom from Johnny Damon, The Architect from the Matrix, and even GOD himself will drop by to drop some knowledge on us. Stay tuned.

Manny swings.....nice shot...300...yards...right down the middle of the...fairway. He, he, he. Manny is playing GOLF tomorrow. Derek Jeter is playing BASEBALL. Whic is better, Manny? Answer me, you little bitch!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Let the Hating Continue...

I'm a SAWX fan and a no-talent ass-clown and I've filled this formerly beautiful woman with my demon seed.

My apologies for this late update. Please indulge me with a quick recap and then we can look ahead.

This past weekend:
The Yankees definitely held up their end of the bargain regarding knocking the SAWX out of the playoffs completely. It's safe to assume that if Moose pitches on Sunday, the Yankees take 2 out of 3 from the Beantown Bunglers. That didn't happen because Cleveland didn't get the job done. While it would have been FANTASTIC to make the SAWX sit on the sidelines throughout the playoffs, you can't blame the Yankees for letting them in. Making up 4 games in the month of September represents a great accomplishment for the Bombers, but they needed some help from the Indians down the stretch and they didn't get it. No worries, because...


The SAWX got HAMMERED by Chicago and looked like the paper tigers they truly are in the process.

The Yanks looked great and I like their chances against the Angels.

For your enjoyment, here's some quotes from 'The Nation'

On the Yankees chances to win the AL East
8/31/05 - As much as our pitching has struggled as of late, I have a hard time believing the Yankees can continue getting quality starts out of journeymen like Small and Chacon. The lowly Mariners may have turned Chacon back into a pumpkin last night. The NY starting rotation is held together with duct tape and bailing wire, and their middle relief is even worse than ours. Having Rivera is, of course, a huge advantage for them, but the Sox have proven they can hit him. The final six games against them are going to be slugfests, and I like our bats against anybody's.

Excellent analysis ass-hat. I like your chances too - for getting bitch-slapped out of first place.

On the Yankees winning the AL East title
I find it hard to believe this one "meant the most" to the MFY's ...
Kind of sad that the guys who won the division for the Yankees are making 1/100th of the payroll and guys like Arod and Jeter have done naught down the stretch...

Does this guy even WATCH baseball??? Yeah A-Rod REALLY struggled in September. And when Boy-Blunder Theo Epstein aquires cheap talent he is a genius. But when the yankees do it, it's "Sad". You Chow-DAH heads are always bitchng about how much money the Yankees spend and how 'unfair' it is that they have such a big payroll. So is it a good thing or a bad thing for the Yanks to spend a lot on players. Make up your mind, ass-muncher.

On the SAWX winning (or rather having Cleveland hand them) the WildCard
It was a great regular season. No one can say that this team rolled over and disappeared quietly into the night. Not after they won 95 games, and not after scoring over 900 runs and dealing with sketchy pitching all year. Definitely NOT a disappointing epilogue to last year's amazing run.
They made it to the 2005 playoffs. Anything from this point onward is just more cake

Let me get this straight. You are defending World Champions. Your competition (the Yankees) have a starting rotation that is, in the words of another genius SAWX fan "held together with duct tape and bailing wire". You've mentioned all year how the Yankees are a group of aging, over-paid underachievers and are SATISFIED with NOT winning the AL East title and sneaking into the playoffs as a WildCard team. And how's that workin' out for ya so far?

Until next time, my faithful readers. And remember, don't stop hating until the hating is done...

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Being a SAWX fan is like flying Jet Blue

As I watched Television last night - a combination of LOST, coverage of the JetBlue crash landing, and the Yankee game (it's a gift and a guy thing. Just give me the remote control and I'll make sure you don't miss a thing) - it occured to me that SAWX fans are a lot like the passengers on that ill-fated JetBlue flight last evening. You see, JetBlue has sattelite TV's on the back of the headrests for every seat. Everyone gets their own little TV screen to watch, with dozens of cable channels. As they circled LAX last night, burning off the fuel that might explode once the landing gear inevitably caught fire, they were able to WATCH THEMSELVES on cable TV, complete with 'experts' commenting on their chances of survivial as well as every doomsday scenario that might unfold.

It's the same for SAWX fans. They sit there, night after night, tray tables folded up, seats in the upright position, head between their legs, kissing their asses goodbye as their beloved team caroms toward disaster. All the while, they are able to tune in ESPN or YES (if they are particularly lucky) and view the entire thing from the outside. They are not only subjected to their own misery, they have to see how that misery, combined with the superb play of the Yankees and the Indians brings joy to others. In addition they get to listen to the boys at ESPN describe in great detail all the ways the SAWX might find themselves on the outside looking in come playoff time.At a time like this I find it necessary to quote the great film, 'Airplane'.

"They bought their tickets...They knew what they were getting into...I say...Let 'em crash!" Loydd Bridges, from your lips to God's ears...

Monday, September 19, 2005

Knock, knock...

Us: Knock, knock

Them: Who's that knockin' at my back door?

Us: Your WORST FRIGGIN' NIGHTMARE, that's who!


Us: Knock, knock

Them: who's there?

Us: Mystique and Aura

Them: Mystique and Aura who?

Us: You made a MYSTIQUE by not putting us away in July and you Aura-n't going to the playoffs as a result!


Us: Knock Knock

Them: Who, who's there?

Us: The greatest franchise in the history of sports

Them: We're not home right now. Come back later?

Us: Ok. How about the last weekend of the season. I'll bring some nails and a hammer. You bring your heart.


Lame jokes? Perhaps. The SAWX efforts of late don't deserve my best efforts. GOD I love being right!

One half game and closing...

Monday, September 12, 2005

2 out of 3 is Great!

Dear Lord, PLEASE don't let this come down to a one-game playoff at the end of the season

And how was YOUR weekend? Pretty good over here. That's because 'here' is good ol' New York, NY. The Home Office of Baseball. Yankeeland baby, where the livin' is easy. I'm bustin' my butt at work this week and my lovely wife is having her 29th birthday (again) tomorrow) so here's a quick recap:

Friday night - SAWX play like the true chumps that they are. Yankees outslug them and treat them like the flea-bitten morons they are. Oh yeah, and Varitek, Beantown pussy NUMERO UNO, charges into Posada after being thrown out at the plate by like 30 feet. Georgie was unfazed. He took what CAPTAIN FACEMASK had to dish out and came up holding the ball. I'll give Varitek credit for this: He initiated contact with someone while NOT wearing any protective gear. Maybe he's growing some balls afterall??? By the end of his current contract he might even be YANKEE material. Just kiddin'!

Saturday - Old Timer's day at the Stadium. Yankee bats take it easy on the ancient and hobbling Curt - PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP - Schilling. It happens. What are you going to do.

Sunday - RJ is masterful. He has pitched well against the SAWX all season and he'll be the reason we knock them out of the AL East before it's all over.The Giambino provides all the offense we need. This ofcourse, gives the Boston crybabies another reason to whine that he's back on the juice. What a nation of morons...

In case you are curious, here's what RED SAWX NATION has to say about the past three days:

"Baseball Prospectus now puts the odds of the Red Sox playing in the postseason at 90%." - Keep crunching those numbers you Saber Metrics lovin' MO-rons!

Every time that known juicer Giambi hits a home run, an angel gets its wings ripped off. - SHUT UP! Baseball didn't have a roid policy when he was usin' them and he's NOT usin' them now. Go cry in yer Sam Adams and shut the f*ck up.

"Posada was reduced to a non-factor in the series after that collision (with Varitek)" - You are kidding me right? I'm not going to justify that one with a response.

"I would give up 2 games of our lead to have another 2 months of regular season, I'm just not readay for it to be over yet." - It will be over soon enough my chowder eating friend...

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

What the Fu..........???

Mark Bellhorn???

This is gettin' to be re-GODDAMNED-diculous! Yesterday the Yankees picked up Mark Bellhorn from the scrap heap that makes up Red SAWX World Champions. Including Alan Embree that means the Yanks now employee 2/25ths of the 2004 SAWx squad. Well, employ is a strong word. The SAWX are PAYIN' 'em, we're just PLAYIN' 'em ;-).

But still, I don't like to look in the dugout or the bullpen and see these guys hanging around. It's not right. I know we need pitching, but Embree? Ferchrissakes I'll drive down to the Stadium, and pitch myself if you need an arm THAT bad. I'm right-handed and I still throw harder with my left arm than Embree does.

And Bellhorn. That humorless prick. When it comes to attitude, he's the Russell Crowe of baseball. I know he sucks and he couldn't hit water even if he fell out of a BOAT, but would it kill this guy to smile once in a while? I mean, he DOES get paid to play baseball.

How many more SAWX are going to sneak across the border before we have a real problem on our hands? Do we need armed guards partroling the outfield fences? Will Johnny Damon run to the Yankee clubhouse the next time the SAWX are in town and scream, "Johnny Damon demand amnesty for Johnny Damon! Johnny Damon political refugee! Johnny Damon say, me need refuge in house built by Ruth!"

Take it easy Johnny. That's what the off-season is for...